Blinding white headlights
Screeching brakes, angry man’s voice
“Get out of the street!”

In a see-through gown
Her silky pajamas glow
She puts her hand out

“Stop!” not embarrassed,
Palm out like a crossing guard
“In the name of the…”

“Antichrist,” today
Today’s fourteen years later
Today she told me

That he’s chasing her
He’s been chasing her for years
That he has raped her.

“Who’s following you?”
“Obama’s the antichrist”
“Yes, you’ve told me that.”

“And Donald Trump is…”
“The devil, I know,” and sigh.
“World War III’s coming.”

“Okay, mom, love you
But I gotta go, talk soon…”
She’d been doing well.

It’s the dance we play
Try to keep demons away
Three years at a time.

“The girl! The girl!…Hey!”
“Is the girl okay? Is she?”
I was eight years old

When I found out that
My mom was sick or something?
Seemed to be God’s fault.

11pm
Puts her bible down and says,
“Let’s go on a walk.”

The next thing I know
She is commanding bikes, cars
“Stop in the name of…”

“Church! Take me to church!”
Mom, church will make you get sick…
“Why do you hate me?!?”

Pitchfork in her hand
Tears streaming down her face, screams
That she wants to die

“I’m a sin, black sin
Since my mom and dad conceived
Me out of wedlock.”

“Mom, do you really
Think that Jesus cares about
When people have sex?”

“It’s a sin, a sin!”
Tell me, did your latest fling
Trigger your mania?

Dear Mom, is it true?
That your dad raped your mom and
That he raped you too?

Is that why you came 
To America, so that
You could get away

From your mom’s burden?
A reminder of your birth,
A product of rape.

No! How I wish that
She had never told you this
That you never knew

Would you be healthy?
Normal? Whatever that means…
I still love you, Mom.

I remember the
Second time when I was twelve
Blood sugar so high

You ran down the street
To the neighbor’s house, they called
The police and then

You came back home and
Knocked boxes onto the floor
Bruised my dad’s right cheek

The cops took you then
You spent three whole nights in jail
Cracked your head open

On the cement floor
Of that jail cell, until
My dad set them straight

He made us pancakes
While you were gone, and we
Missed you very much.

God makes you crazy.
Entranced in church prayer groups,
Then your psychosis.

God makes you crazy.
From reading scripture to you
Becoming Jesus.

But why God, but why?
I never understood it.
Maybe now I do.

2017
My hospitalization
Didn’t tell you then

But now you know that
I’ve seen the other side too.
What it’s like to feel

Like it’s all over –
Your whole world’s fallen apart.
Can’t tell real from fake

And the only thing
You can really do is wait
And hope insanity’s

Only passing through…
So why’s God make you crazy?
From darkness to light,

It’s your spirit’s way
Of showing it needs cleansing –
World needs rebuilding. 

Schizophrenia,
Bipolar Type I, Type II,
Psychosis, Trauma.

Labels don’t matter
But how we try to heal you
Shows how blind we are.

What message from God
Do you bring us today? No,
World’s not ready yet.

Take this pill or two
Maybe 3, 4, 5, and 6,
Numb enlightenment.

Why are you carrying
The whole world’s cosmic burden?
So that we wake up

That what we’re doing,
It simply isn’t working.
Your delusions’ truths

Are too much for us
To handle, address, or fix
So we medicate

Take this pill or two
Maybe 3, 4, 5, and 6,
Numb enlightenment.

And when you’re released
My sister and I will be
Right here waiting, Mom. 

We’ll do anything
To keep you housed, fed, and safe
Unlike families

Of some other folk
I see on the street sometimes
Begging for some change

Or yelling deranged,
Nonsensical pleas for love.
Change’s not quick enough.

If I could rewrite
The Bible for mental health
Purposes, it’d say:

In the beginning
God said, “Let there be love, and
That’s when you were born.”

For God made people,
In fact, all of creation,
Out of divine love

For the sole purpose
Of realizing our sparkle
To share with others

So yes, Mom, today
I affirm that you are a
Beloved sparkle

Of the universe.
God said, “Let there be love, and
That’s when you were born.”