The below was written for the 2017-2018 cohort of the Boston Interfaith Leadership Initiative (BILI), in which Celine was a fellow. For more information about the program, please see the BILI website.

 

Only a few months ago, I was sorting through my things, packing for college. At some point, I stumbled upon the statue of the Virgin Mary that I had received for my first communion. I began to reflect on my spiritual journey, one I began as a young child. I recall turning to the Virgin Mary and praying every night, asking for help and guidance and thanking her for today’s blessings.

When I think back to my childhood, I see faith. I hear my father singing “O Holy Night” to me when I couldn’t sleep. I hear my babysitter praying and singing praises to the Lord and telling me of all his wonders. I see the big steps leading up to the big bronze door of my parish and the beautiful stained glass windows that always seemed to tell a different story.

I went to church every Sunday and twice a week to catechism, which I admit was my favorite class. My teacher, Mrs. Feerick, was always up to answer my atypical questions and taught us to not only believe in God for our parents but for ourselves. For me, God had become a symbol of all that is good in the world. As I grew, my knowledge of my own faith did as well: instead of reading superhero comic books, I read comic books about saints and their lives. I even prioritized my catechism homework over my schoolwork. Yet, I always knew there was a piece missing, and that piece was slowly growing.

In eighth grade, I lost someone very close to me, and I blamed God. All those doubts and questions that had been accumulating over time finally hit me. I was disgusted and angered. How could God, he who was supposed to make the world a better place, take the gentlest, most caring, and most charitable person away? I continued to attend mass and catechism, putting my doubts and anger in the back of my mind, silently questioning everything. Feeling that my faith and convictions were being tested, I concocted a question that would help me assess the Fathers and religious figures in my life: “If God tells us to love and forgive everyone, does that mean I should forgive and love the devil?” I still chuckle thinking back to the reactions of certain priests. But this question had more weight in reconstructing my crumbling faith than I had realized at the time. For the months to come, I would live with a constant internal struggle when it came to faith. I postponed my confirmation, not being able and not wanting to commit fully to God while at the same time resenting him. I was very fortunate to have a teacher that understood and empathized with what I was going through. That summer, however, I went to a Catholic camp where I was able to discuss and reflect on my faith. Slowly, I remembered all the reasons why I did believe. Throughout the camp, we had many pilgrimages, testimonies, reflections, and hikes. One night, we had the option to go to Adoration as a way to reflect and prepare for a three-day pilgrimage. I found God again that night. I understood that in order for me to believe, I needed to forgive and love all those who had hurt me. For me, this included God. Just as God forgives me for my sins, I needed to come to terms with how God had created life and death and that our time was limited. We love and hurt, and that is alright. I return every year to that camp, as it has become a safe haven for me.

Coming back from camp, I felt something had changed within me, and I wanted to get more involved in my parish and in my faith. I told the director of the religious program that I was ready to do my confirmation. She also informed me that I had been nominated to represent our Parish in a program called “My Faith / Your Faith,” which I ended up participating in throughout high school. Little did I know at that time that this would be the subject of my missing piece. By learning about other religions and faiths, I was able to better understand my own. I was able to analyze how my faith affected my daily life and touched the lives of others, something I had never thought about. It permits us to understand other people, cultures, and actions. Interfaith is what helped me widen my horizons and open my mind. Questions that weren’t answered in my faith, were sometimes found in others.  

My Faith/Your Faith is a program that brings together teens from different faiths and encourages dialogue between us, engages us in activities that challenge our perceptions, and creates a better understanding of other faiths. There, we get to discuss how our faith applies in our lives and in current events. Thanks to this program, I gained exposure to other faiths and was introduced to interfaith work. The more I learned, the more curious I grew. I started committing more time to learning about other faiths and how faith affects society. To further engage on issues of faith and society, I applied and was selected for the Interfaith youth fellowship. There, we brainstormed on religious diversity and reflected on the problems surrounding faith in society. As I write this, I come to regret never having thanked Mrs. Feerick, who has recently passed away, for all that she had done for me. I owe this large piece of my life to her and, as I move forward, will always be recogniscent of this. For me, learning the foundations and core values of religions is critical to be able to understand people of different cultures and mentalities, as well as today’s world and the world of tomorrow. It opened my eyes to other ways of thinking and provided me refuge from myself.

In retrospect, I see a big correlation between my faith and how I choose to lead my life. My faith as well as others’ helped me come to terms with many events in my life. Religion became my refuge; it gives me an explanation to things that have no answers. It helped me connect to those I’d lost and those who were still with me. Nourishing and deepening my faith is very important to me because it is a part of who I am, it’s what helps me connect to emotions. I still have my doubts and many questions, but I choose to believe, because at the end of the day, even though I was angry at God, he seemed to be the only one there for me.

Interfaith work is one of the ways I can give back to my community because it’s something I’m passionate about, and it allows me to continuously learn new things. I want to further my understanding of other faiths and to be actively engaged in building bridges between people of different religions, especially in this divisive time.