Recently, a couple tried to convert me to their religion—not an uncommon experience as a secular humanist. Proselytism is a topic I have spent a lot of time meditating on, as it’s one of the hardest topics for me to reconcile with my commitment to an interfaith mission. What right does someone from a tradition that calls their members to convert others have in a society that values freedom of religion? What right does someone in that same society have not to be bothered by conversion attempts? Where are the lines?

This particular instance of attempted conversion started because I didn’t know on what channel The 700 Club is aired. I manage vacation rental properties, and I was visiting one to make a minor repair. While I was there, the couple had questions about how the TV system worked. The crux of the problem was that they couldn’t find The 700 Club. We weren’t finding it by searching the name, so I asked what channel it was on to search by that. My question revealed that I don’t watch The 700 Club, and this was an opening to introduce me to the show. I told them that I am familiar with the show. I just don’t watch it.

This disclosure opened the door to talk about my religious beliefs in general. The man asked me what church I go to, and I told him the truth. When I go to church, it’s usually a Unitarian Universalist (UU) church, but I usually don’t go to church. He had never heard of UU, so he asked me how I had heard of it. I told him that a friend of mine was preaching there when we were in divinity school, and I went to support her. He didn’t ask me about UU theology, and I didn’t offer that information.

I found and wrote down the channel and basic TV directions. On my way out, he told me that I should really consider watching The 700 Club—“You might learn something.” That was the end of that.

Well, I thought it was the end of that. I returned a few days later to fix the satellite connection, which had gotten disconnected. While I was working on it, he again took the opportunity to ask me about my beliefs and if I would consider exploring other faith communities. Honestly, I explained to him that I had in fact read the Bible multiple times, had studied the Hebrew Testament and the Gospels in-depth at divinity school, and had attended the services or rituals of multiple denominations in the course of my studies. I did not go into the fact that my studies included many non-Christian texts and traditions. Nor did I go into the fact that divinity school is where I discovered humanism, which is pretty close to where my beliefs already were.

For this particular encounter, I had decided on a strategy of answering his questions honestly, but not adding any information for which he didn’t specifically ask. Nor did I ask him any questions. This is the strategy I usually employ when this happens though the course of my work. If I had not been at work, I would have engaged him in conversation about his faith, offered illustrations and examples of my worldview, and challenged his assumptions. But I didn’t. I didn’t because my property management job is on commission, and if I confronted this man—or offended this man by sharing my whole truth—I was risking losing a month-long booking. Being able to pay my rent was on the line.

To be fair, this was a pretty mild attempt at conversion. They didn’t tell me I was going to hell. Or tell me I am what is wrong with America. (Both of these things have been said to me multiple times.) Or try to keep the conversation going longer than my tasks took. They mostly asked me questions and offered gentle suggestions. But I’m still mad at the whole situation.

Frankly, I’m pretty conflicted about people’s right to proselytize. On one hand, I believe that everyone has a right to try to persuade others to their own way of thinking, whether we are talking about religious beliefs or who should have won Best Picture this year. But when it comes to proselytism, I am usually having to defend my very right to exist as a non-whatever-they-are. I shouldn’t have to defend my right to exist.

When someone tries to convert me in the course or my job, however, it takes on even more complex dimensions. The added layer of my livelihood being at risk makes me carefully consider every word I say. As an employee, particularly when working in customer service, these interactions get wrapped up in unspoken customs related to “the customer is always right.” If the conversation goes the wrong way, I could lose my job. I am still trying to figure out where the lines are for proselytism generally, but I am not confused about one line. Proselytism at my workplace is a power play, and that’s not okay.

When I say my income in on the line, I am not talking hypothetically. Let me illustrate one of the most blatant examples of exploiting the power dynamic from when I was a bartender. I had a customer ask me where I got the necklace I was wearing, which was from time I spent in India. The customer assumed I had been in India on a Christian mission trip, which is not true. Telling her that I was there on vacation, not a mission trip, led her to ask what my church’s mission is. My answer that I don’t go to church, was followed with, “well, you should.” That was the end of the conversation, but the “tip” they left on the credit card tip line was “Find Jesus.”

Is this much different from the property management situation? Both people were attempting to influence my beliefs in a context where they control my income—an income that has absolutely nothing to do with mine or their beliefs. As a strong believer in the interbelief community and mission, how do I deal with these situations? I honestly don’t know if I handled this or other attempted conversions correctly. I don’t know if there even is a right way to handle this. But in this interfaith project, how do we honestly, authentically, and respectfully (of everyone involved) handle people and traditions with proselytism at their heart? How do we include proselytizing traditions and minority belief traditions in the same—authentic and respectful—world?