A man armed with guns walked into an elementary school and killed many people, most of whom were children. My hands shake even just typing such words. The news reports are still being updated, and the social media world is alive with commentary.

I picked up my copy of the New York Times yesterday and found myself turning the paper over and walking away – I did not want to look at the images of terrified children and grieving parents. I started to cry. I first found out about this tragedy while working at a training event for public school elementary teachers, and we shared a moment of silence in the wake of such news. I cried then too.  Leaving work that day I was thinking about the shootings, and my own elementary-age students suddenly came to mind. I was overwhelmed with the thought of something like this happening to them. And I cried again.

The event I am referencing took place this past Friday [Dec. 14, 2012] in Newtown, Connecticut, but it is otherwise a tragedy that occurs around the world with far too much frequency. And it does not make any sense.

I actually started writing this post over a week ago, in response to another event that took place in New York City. A man was killed after getting into an argument with another person who pushed him onto the subway tracks as a train was approaching the station. The two people did not know one another. A witness to the event happened to be a professional photographer, who captured pictures of the moments leading up to the victim’s death. The photos were then used by another New York City newspaper with a purely sensationalistic front-page headline, and the public outcry was swift to condemn their publication.

Between both of these events, a lot of anger and confusion has been expressed:

“Why didn’t anybody help him?!”

“This is why we need stricter gun laws!”

“This is why crazy people deserve to be locked up!”

“What is wrong with this world?!”

“What good did it do to stand there and take pictures?!”

“Why did they interview frightened children?!”

“Who would do such a thing to little children?!”

“If I had been there…”

It is seems to be a natural response to tragedy to seek out someone or something to blame, and to seek out a reason why something terrible happens. It makes us feel good, or at least somewhat better than just sitting with a sense of utter helplessness and confusion. These types of responses often include an expression of anger, with is also natural – when we feel threatened, from a survival standpoint, we need to be angry in order to prepare ourselves for defense and to rally others to our cause. Blame feels good because it creates some semblance of control within a situation where we feel helpless.

But what is the purpose of controlling a terrible situation? I do not wish to sound cold or uncaring by asking this question; rather, my hope is that in asking such a hard question it may allow us to focus on healing.

In the face of tragedy, when we feel consumed by emotions like grief, fear and anger, we can be very presumptive. We make claims to knowing how we would act if faced with the same situation, or we make claims to understanding why something happened based on a compilation of information. But we cannot truly know how we would act, partly because no two situations are exactly alike and partly because the most we can really do is assume or hope how we would act. We developed as human beings to either fight, flee or freeze in the face of threat and danger, and reacting in one way and not another does not make a person ‘good’ or ‘bad, ‘weak’ or ‘strong.’ It merely means we are human, and in extreme situations we do not use our more complex cognitive processes to decide what to do – we act instinctually. Judging our selves or others for acting or not acting differently in a terrible situation does not make the pain, anguish, and suffering disappear. Tragedies are tragedies because they do not make sense. No matter how many pieces of information we can gather, finding an answer to the question of why something happened does not make the pain, anguish, and suffering disappear. The process of grief and healing is complex, and people utilize and develop innumerable ways of moving through that process. We do not typically intend to exacerbate grief or suffering by talking about what we would do or why something happened, but often such words are not helpful. Acknowledging that these situations are awful and unfair, and admitting that we do not understand why it happened can be extremely powerful in the process of healing.

For many, it is also a natural response to invoke or implicate God as a way of dealing with terrible situations. As a person of faith, I have found myself crying out to God in the face of tragedy and suffering. The question of “where is God when terrible things happen” is an old one, and even has a special name: theodicy. To be sure, this is not a topic of concern exclusive to those who believe in God. The issue of the existence of suffering in the world has a rather prominent place in all of the world’s wisdom and faith traditions and within other ideologies of humanity. But I find it important to offer something in return to the many invocations and references to God I so often hear in the wake of tragedy and suffering. Speaking as someone who identifies as believing in God and as one who believes in the teaching and example of Jesus, I believe that God’s relationship with humanity (and creation) is based in love. I do not believe that God wants humanity (or creation) to suffer, or that God is absent or at fault when terrible things happen. But this does not stop me from crying out to God, or from feeling anger or desperation in the face of tragedy and suffering.  An important component in my belief in God and God’s loving relationship with humanity is our having free will. We are free to make our own choices and it is a tragedy in itself that our choices so often result in causing great harm to our selves and one another (and all of creation). God’s love and forgiveness are always available, in my belief, but I do not consider that love and forgiveness to be an excuse for the choices people make. Participating in God’s loving relationship includes the responsibility to say no to hatred, injustice and violence. I do not seek to perpetuate suffering for myself or anyone else, but I readily admit that modeling compassion is often very challenging. That is why I thank God for grace.

“Eloi Eloi lama sabachthani?” (Mark 15:34)

When I consider this verse in scripture and the context in which it is spoken, I see this expression of Jesus as the most basically human thing he says or does. It shows me that all of our emotional responses to suffering are important and valid, including anger and helplessness, and that God is big enough to hold all of our suffering. God’s grace provides the opportunity and the space for healing, and the hope that our choice will be to live for the sake of love.

What happened in Connecticut at the elementary school is not okay; what happened on the subway platform in New York is not okay; what happened in the Oregon mall is not okay; what happened in China at the elementary school is not okay – no act of malicious violence, no injustice, no hatred toward another human being is ever okay. And my prayer is that our suffering will ease and that our hearts will heal, in order that love and compassion may abound through the grace of God.

May all beings know peace, well-being and love. May all beings be free from suffering.

Photo source: Arrrrt (Attribution via Flickr Creative Commons)