Recently, I had a discussion on Hegelian metaphysics with a group of 6^th graders. I was surprised, as were they, to be describing our conversation in this way, but it was a happy surprise.  I have the privilege of working for a non-profit that serves interfaith families, where the parents each come from either Jewish or Christian tradition. The classes I co-teach (with a Jewish educator) aim to give the students a general knowledge of these faith traditions’ histories and beliefs, but also to provide a space for them to grapple with their budding religious identities. How we wound up discussing Hegelian metaphysics with our 6^th graders began with the question ‘Who is God?’ (the conversation literally spiraled from there), and the insight they shared reminded me of something very important related to personal formation. As a person of faith, the question ‘Who am I?’ is in direct relationship with the question ‘Who is God?’. My faith and belief are choices I have made and that are part of my self-expression. Yet, expressing one’s beliefs is no easy task.

What does it mean to be a Christian in 2010? In the United States? In New York City? Does one’s answer to any of these questions apply only to one’s self, or to all who identify as Christian? Some may be tempted to offer quick answers to these questions, simple yeses or nos, but I encourage anyone with an automatic answer to pause. Take a moment. Are there any underlying assumptions in those answers? One of the issues I discuss with my students is the danger of assumptions. Trying to explain or describe who one is to another is difficult enough (especially at 12-13 years old), and more often others have meanings and understandings different from our own. Thinking in the language of middle-schoolers, differences are often thought of as weird and usually carry a negative connotation. What we work on is becoming comfortable in our weirdness, and being able to accept the weirdness of others. Making assumptions about another’s identity makes it easier to feel connected, but it also makes it easier to miss the defining characteristics that make us who we are.

Much of my experience in identity formation comes from challenging the assumptions and expectations others have imposed on me. I am a preacher’s kid, of a United Methodist pastor serving in Arkansas. Many individuals, both within and outside of my father’s congregations, expected my family to be a certain way. Throughout my life I have often defined my faith by negation, by saying what I do not believe and what I am not. The study and practice of inter-religious dialogue has helped me come to define my faith by affirmation, as being in dialogue has helped me find beauty in the myriad ways of expressing what I believe.  I have learned to remain open to experience, to risk that everything I thought I understood could be challenged. Even recently I have had many experiences that have been sources of reflection and formation: attending a dialogue event over the September 11 weekend, held at Park51; hearing Chokyi Nyima Rinpoche describe the qualities of luminous love; attending my first Catholic wedding; discussing the advances in neuroscience as it relates to contemplative practices; even watching the leaves change while traveling through the Hudson River Valley.

As a question of formation I find myself constantly rethinking my understanding of Christianity and a Christian identity. I have shared this with my students, that who I was at 13 is not who I am at 26, nor should I be. Even after several years of academic study and a lifetime of personal experiences, I don’t have it all figured out. And I don’t want to.